“Why do you wear a veil to mass?” I appreciate being asked this question, but trying to summarize my answer isn’t always easy. I imagine in time, it will get easier, but for now, here it is…
I was baptized Lutheran at 6 years old, but my family didn’t attend church regularly. Around that time I also experienced childhood trauma and a breakdown of my family. As a result, I suffered from severe depression and anxiety that I learned in adulthood was related to the unhealed trauma. I started to numb myself and became an alcoholic by the age of 14, which led me down a dark path. Many years of my life were spent searching for truth, but never finding it.
I met my husband in 2006 at the local bar. I had just turned 21. We were married in 2010. We shared the same big dreams, so we left our home in Minnesota for Los Angeles, California. As we went along on our journey, we experienced a lot of failure and heartache due to our addictions. In 2014, seeing no other path forward, we got sober in AA. Everything changed. Our entire outlook on life changed. And only by the grace of God, we were given our son in 2017.
God knew what he was doing when he led my husband and I to California, where we learned to live sober lives. He knew what he was doing when he told us it was time to leave and settle in the bible belt of East Tennessee. The first question we got asked by our neighbor here was, “Have you found a church?” We’d spent years getting closer to God spiritually, but hadn’t given church much honest thought. We realized very quickly that there’s a deep love for Jesus in the air around here, and it’s contagious. After a while, I believe the Lord called me to baptize our 6-year-old son, but I didn’t know if he should be Lutheran or Catholic?
My husband had grown up a Catholic but fell away as a teenager. In the past, he would casually bring up wanting to attend a mass, but I always shrugged him off. Throughout my life seeds were planted that as I would learn, were clearly misconceptions of the church. My heart started reaching, and I just knew it was what we were supposed to do. Clearly, Jesus was calling us home. I did a lot of research, and I prayed. As I prayed, he said to me, “Follow Me”, and it was decided. Our son would be baptized Catholic, and I would be confirmed. You can understand my husband’s surprise and joy when I told him, “We are going to be Catholic!”
During my research on Catholicism, I discovered that some women wore veils to mass. I learned that this was an old tradition that had been done away with in the 50’s. In my mind, I wondered why, because I was immediately taken by the beauty and femininity of wearing a veil. I learned that this was likely due to changes during women’s rights movement and women didn’t want to be forced to wear veils. I suppose it’s a lot different when you’re forced to do something, versus wanting to do it of your own free will. Having my mother bobby pin a Kleenex on my head if I forgot my veil would have left a bad taste in my mouth, too.
But that wasn’t my experience. I felt called to wear one, because after all I had gone through in my life and in my recovery, I had now made a choice to formally devote my life to the will of God. This commitment was a huge step and marked a profound change within me. The veil would be my outward sign. I always had a good God in my life, but becoming Catholic meant I would truly accept Jesus in my heart. My wonderful RCIA teacher told me, “You go ahead wear a veil if that’s what you want to do”.
I wore a veil to the very first mass I attended at Notre Dame Catholic Church, and every mass since. I was confirmed on August 27th, 2023, on the same day my son was baptized. This faith was the missing link in our lives. It is there to carry us through all the storms of life and give our son a foundation in true faith. I have fallen in love with the beauty and mystery of the faith. I have fallen in love with Jesus. There is such a fullness in it, something that I might not have realized had I not lived so many years without it.
As time goes on, more is revealed and I see all the seasons of my life start to make sense. I’ve become more comfortable on this path, and at mass, my veil helps me to keep my eyes on the Lord and humble myself. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m trying to make choices that lead me to be the woman, wife and mother he wants me to be. My veil is a symbol of my own realization that in the past I was one way, but now I am different. It is a symbol of the spiritual armor of God that I choose to put on each day. Each time I put my veil on and get on my knees, I praise HIM.
