What is my purpose? What is God’s plan for me? How do I move forward? These questions have plagued me all my life. I’m sure I’m not the only one. It’s that constant inner dialog that keeps our dreams trapped inside. Our light muted. For me, as all my other “accomplishments” came and went, the love of writing and looking at the world through a lens remained. Though I haven’t always had a camera, my eyes grab images and they tell a story. In the past, I never took this seriously as a career path. Who the heck goes around observing the world and writing about it for a living?
Throughout my younger life, I floated from job to job. I’ve had over 20 positions in the last ten years! Not because I’m incompetent, but because none of them felt like ME. None of them gave me a sense of belonging or purpose or joy. Deep within, I just knew my purpose was to do something different, something that would heal my wounds and be a source of inspiration. In order to do this I had to face my fears and go down the road less taken. Fear is my number one offender, but deep down I knew surely, there had to be a way for me to find what I was so desperately searching for. Other people are using their passions to support their families everyday. So why can’t I?
When I got pregnant, my whole life changed. My interests changed, my body changed and my thoughts changed. It felt almost as though I was going through a transformation. A transformation that was just the beginning (more about that later). My job working with developmentally disabled children became increasingly difficult. I was at a crossroads. My husband’s work was enough to sustain us, so I quit my job. This gave me the opportunity to enjoy each moment of my pregnancy, and as the months passed, discover my purpose as a mother.
My son is my greatest teacher. He teaches me more about loving, living and enjoying each moment than I ever thought possible. I’m learning to just “be”… Be Tristan’s mama, Ryan’s wife, an intuitive being, a student of life, learning one day at a time to see life as it is, rather than how I think it should be. This is ME.
For others who struggle with traumas, addictions, grief and self doubt – I’m with you. I know how it feels. I also know there is path to healing the wounds of the past and finding your way to health and happiness. We weren’t put on this earth to be miserable! Really, we weren’t. Recovery is possible, no matter what a person’s back story is. More importantly, happiness is possible. The central desire of all human beings – to be happy. Is it easy? No. But is it possible? Yes. We just have to get out of our own way, and learn to challenge thoughts that keep us stuck. Once we get into the groove of making positive changes in our lives, the opportunities are endless.
