Some days are easy. You wake up, you feel good, the sun’s shining, and life seems to be going along in your favor. Others days though… Other days are a battle. Negative, racing thoughts running around in your mind. Nothing seems to be going your way. You feel so anxious and uncomfortable in your own skin that your not sure how much more you can take. Then those thoughts sneak their way in. “I don’t want to feel this anymore. I just want a drink.” This is the dilemma.
The curse of addiction that never goes away. Even after getting sober, it hides deep within, doing push ups, just waiting for the right time to strike. If only we could reach for that old familiar remedy… If you’ve been doing the work, hopefully your next thought is “No. It won’t help. I’ve been down that road before.” You make it one more day.
Addiction is tough. It’s a disease of the mind that doesn’t discriminate. It can take down the wealthiest or the poorest, the strongest or the weakest, and everyone in between. It is relentless. For those who suffer, if they’re lucky, they’ve beat themselves up enough to seek recovery. Others break the law and end up being court ordered, or worse.
Either way, putting down the drink or the drug is only the first step. Sobriety is a lifelong journey. It’s filled with countless missteps, potential relapses and a whole lot of fighting just to survive. The path to sobriety is marked by accepting some brutal truths about yourself, and many aren’t ready to face that. For those that are, and are successful in maintaining long term sobriety, the rewards are endless.
But why is it so hard to stay sober? Because us addicts are unapologetically human. We obtain wounds in childhood that manifest in different ways as we got older. We may have been hurt by someone, or simply inherited these “flaws” from our ancestors via DNA and genetics, as well as cultural and societal constructs.
We might never have felt like we fit in, or maybe we just never felt loved in the way we needed to be. Maybe we weren’t taught appropriate ways to cope with uncomfortable feelings. We watched people bigger than us cope by yelling, running or using drugs, alcohol or other means to relieve the daily struggles of life.
Some addicts come from seemingly well adjusted homes, yet the same thing happens. Some children grow out of a dysfunctional homes and get by just fine, others get trapped in a downward spiral of anxiety, depression and ultimately… addiction. Children are extremely vulnerable. Upon conception, and throughout their lives, they are a result of their experience. Body, mind and soul. For parents, and those who plan to become parents, this needs to be considered at great length.
No one wants to admit they are powerless. No one. No one wants to think they are defective, because that would mean they have to be wrong about things, and who likes to be wrong? But that is the bottom line. Even though it’s not our fault that somewhere along the line we were wounded, we made bad choices in an attempt to heal our wounds. Choices that came at a cost. These choices brought us further away from the healing and happiness we so desperately longed for, and caused us to hurt others along the way. These choices we have to own.
Healing is a process. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. The end result of true sobriety is, most definitely, authentic joy and happiness. But to get to that place, you have to admit you are pickled, realize you have no where else to hide, and do the work. Trying every day to be better than you were yesterday. You have to be diligent about meditation and prayer. Eventually, you’ll have more good days than bad days. They say it’s about progress, not perfection. Thank God! Perfection is over-rated anyways.
Before I got sober, I saw the world as a sad and painful place. Sure, there were times of light, but they were usually fueled by drinking or using. Sobriety was the only way to peel the cloud away, so I could see how lucky I actually was. I found that most of my perceptions about people, places and things were wrong.
As the light of sobriety flooded in, I started to smile more. I didn’t have to take myself so seriously. I woke up without a hangover. Every. Day. I finally felt free and learned to enjoy “normal” things without having a drink in my hand. I learned that LOVE is ACTION (and what that really means). I’m a survivor. One day at a time.
Sadly, many people lose their battle with addiction. They leave behind parents, siblings, lovers, children, family and friends to grieve. Addiction is ruthless. Choosing recovery doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong. It is the road less traveled. It saves lives. It repairs families. What could be better than learning to love yourself just as you are and coming to believe that you are stronger than the lies your mind tells you? Because you are. You matter. You’re not broken and you’re not alone. And someone else needs to hear your story.
