After the storm, we take in a deep breath, we see the damage that was done and we are grateful to be alive. As the sun shines down on us, we pick up the wreckage. We discard was isn’t needed, and do our best to fix what was broken. Life isn’t unlike a storm. Sometimes it feels like a never ending storm. That is how I felt for a very long time.
When I made the decision to chose the path of sobriety, I had to learn to forgive myself and do whatever I could do to fix the wreckage I left behind me. Luckily, it wasn’t as bad as some, but that doesn’t matter. I made choices that made me feel bad, and I had to face them. I learned that some things weren’t my fault, but my perspective on life 100% was.
I had to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. It’s taken me over 16 months of recovery to get to where I am. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I am light years ahead of where I was, and I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I take it one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time and one step at a time.
Over the past 16 months I’ve done some really incredible things. I competed in three pageants, modeled a clothing line, had a little role on a tv series, did background acting on over 20 shows, spoke to one of my wish-list directors, and even finished writing my first feature length screenplay. I’ve created over a dozen ideas for screenplays and moved forward with several of them.
I’m lining myself up to be able to call myself a professional screenwriter within the next year (God willing). A dream I’ve had for so long… While I’m working towards achieving that goal, I’ll be able to help children with autism through my work as a behavioral therapist.
It is all so exciting, but the truth is, for me, I see God doing for me what I could never do for myself. I see things manifesting in my life that I only dreamed of before. I’ve discovered more about myself in the last 16 months than I have my whole life. I’m not the same person I used to be. I can love myself for who I am, and that gives me the chance to love others for who they are.
The fact of the matter is that the parts of me that haven’t changed is that girl with curiosity about the world, the girl with a need to create and tell stories. Writing was my first passion. As I reflect, I see that passion has always been there, waiting for me to see through all the distractions in my immediate view. To see past the glitz and glamour, to who I really am.
I feel that I’m finally finding myself. I’m discovering the real Christine. The person I was before I started drinking and drugging. The person I was always meant to be hasn’t gone anywhere, I’ve just been waiting to be let free. There is great truth and light in that… I’m so grateful for every experience that has lead me to where I am today. I truly am blessed.
