Becoming a mother changed everything. Yep, everything. I don’t even poop alone anymore. Most days consist of waking up at the call of my little one, feeding, playing and snuggling. There’s all the chores, errands and care of our little Lily dog, while also trying to fit in time to meditate, write and work on some of my other entrepreneurial efforts.
It’s busy, exhausting and sometimes feels like Groundhog Day. But the glittering shine in my son’s eyes, his smile, his laugh, his gentle spirit and pure innocence are infectious. I wouldn’t change our ordinary life for anything.
Being a recovering addict that still struggles with anxiety and depression, getting pregnant and becoming a mother came with a unique set of challenges. Going from addiction to a life of sobriety is nothing to be taken lightly, but neither is the transition from woman to mother.
When my husband and I conceived, I didn’t know what to feel. I remember almost a feeling of confusion, like, is this real? Is this my life? My reality? It seemed daunting. Throughout my pregnancy though, there was a shift. It was physical, mental and spiritual. More was revealed about the direction of my life, and I’m confident a higher power was at work.
After my son was born, lingering feelings and questions about the past seemed to resolve, something deep within me changed. My heart softened. Being overwhelmed with such a deep love for my son and a feeling that the best years of my life had just begun, I realized that nothing stays the same, nor should it.
Everything changes, everything evolves. People change. Each moment needs to be cherished for exactly what it is. Wasting time in the past or future is unavailing. By letting go, the universe can set into motion what is to be. By not trying to control it and staying in the moment, true freedom exists.
When my back is aching, my eyes barely stay open and my mind heads into it’s old habitual thinking (which it inevitably does at times) I stop, take a breath, and thank God for my life. I quietly remind myself to take nothing for granted. In the blink of an eye it could all be gone, and as time goes on, my son will grow up and spread his own wings. Someday he won’t need me so much, and I know I will miss the days when he did.
There is so much to be grateful for. My son is healthy and thriving. To me, his light is brighter than the sun and brings with it everything that is good in the world. My husband is happy working from home, doing what he loves. The rest of my family is loving and supportive, even though they may live far away. I have a new found love, respect and understanding for my own parents, which has helped me to finally appreciate how much they’ve always loved me.
As a sober stay-at-home mom, I’ve never been happier. Happiness comes from within. It took a very long time to learn that. Everything I’ve ever wanted is right here and the future is luminous. For right now though, in this very moment, these little hands are tugging at me. It’s playtime again. 🙂
